There comes a saying that leaves significant impression on me: “Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.” (Oscar Wilde)
When I read this quote, an idea of friendship between boys and girls came across my mind, recalling all of my limited experiences on this field.
Is that the reality that there doesn’t exist such thing called friendship between a boy and a girl? Before trying to find out what is the idea meant by Oscar Wilde, I would like to rely on my own understanding as well as my personal experience to comprehend this quote.
Firstly, with regards to my own understanding, I would like to break down the sentences into separate concepts, though it is not at all a brilliant idea to do so. Friendship, according to me, may refer to a state of significant understanding shared among two or more people by long time spending together or talking together. It is not always true because lots of people, understanding too much about each other though, turn out to be sworn enemies. There are also some friends, who you do not have much chances to talk but you still find them to confide in whenever you get into a trouble. Therefore, to make it easier, I would like to define a true friendship is the mutually equal relationship between people based on shared interests, belief in life, goals or whatever. In a real friendship, you are who you really are but better by the time. After trying to making sense all the definitions, I come back to the quote. I agree that there are such things like passion, enmity, worship and love between these two genders; however, I do not agree that there is no friendship. Maybe I have just looked at this quote by the surface, not deeply enough to understand what Oscar meant. He might refer that “friendship”, when it comes to the relationship between men and women, is misunderstood and just the mixture of these four characteristics. So thoughtful for such a girl like me, lacking lots of understanding about the love or passion between these two genders so I will try to comprehend it literally.
Failing to find ways of understanding its underlying meaning, I would prefer to rely on my own experiences obtained from my 20 years of life and from television series or movies. Personally speaking, it is the friendship between a boy and a girl that makes me admire the most. I do think that real friendship is pure and when it comes to friendship between a boy and a girl, it is the purest in the world. Though I also admire the friendship evolving to love eventually, in the narrow scope of the post, I just want to mention the pure friendship between a boy and a girl, in which they just want to stay this way forever without sparing a thought for stepping further. From my own experience, having a friend who is a boy is really wonderful. Boys often possess good characteristics like bravery and easy-going. These characteristics are not exclusive to boys but they can be seen more obviously in boys and have more inspiring effects. If you have a friend, who is a boy, you will have chance to understand more about the other half of the world, gaining different ways to approach the problems. You may refer to the relationship between a boy and a look-like-boy girl, however, the friendship that I mean here is the pure friendship between boys possessing masculine straits, and girls possessing feminine straits. I just have few close friends, who are boys but they are really a source of inspiration and insights to a certain extent and I like the feeling of looking in their eyes freely, talking and chatting without feeling shy or sort of feminine reactions when I talk to the other normal friends.
Television series sometimes portray many interesting friendships between a man and a woman. Although this relationship is not at the center of the movies, whenever it appears, it works well in making me more comfortable. It helps me calming down after being fed up with such kind of enmity, jealousy or doubt between a girl and her boyfriend or a boy and his girlfriend. When it comes to boy-girl friendship, there may be laugh, tear or whatever but it makes me feel more comfortable and safer because it is straightforward. There sometimes exists betrayal between lovers or friends of the same genders, but hardly could I see any case of betrayal in the friendship between a boy and a girl. In some cases, a boy or a girl may have feeling for their close friends and they try to conceal it, it is still pleasant to see the movie.
Now, I just want to point out some beautiful friendship shared between boy and girl I have seen on the screen.
The 13th Prince and Ruoxi in Bubujingxin
The purest friendship must be the one between the 13th Prince and Ma’er’tai Ruo’xi in a very famous Chinese movie “Bu Bu Jing Xin”(Startling by each step). If you have had chances to have a look at this TV series, it is the tragedy atmosphere that covers a majority of scenes. However, when the 13th Prince and Ruoxi stayed together, I always feel safe. Right at their first meeting, they found themselves sharing the same ideology; they did not find any boundary like social status, gender or kind of prejudice of this period that could prevent them from expressing cares to each other. And more interestingly, they determined clearly that there existed friendship between a man and a woman and they complied with it. I love this sentence of RuoXi when saying about mutually equal friendship between a man and a woman: “Did you know what Hong Funu was doing when Qiu Ranke first met her? Hong Funu was brushing her hair. A relationship between a man and a woman could be like theirs. Caring for each other. Without romance and only sincerity.” (“Quan hệ giữa nam và nữ cũng có khi như Cầu Nhiêm Khách và Hồng Phất Nữ. Hai bên quan tâm săn sóc lẫn nhau chỉ vì chân tình, không phải vì mơ mòng trăng gió.”)
Jane and Billy in “Jane by design”
Jane and Billy are close friends since they are still 4 or 5-year-old kids and they grow up together, understanding each other so well to the extent that there exists no secret between them. Uhm, wait, there is a secret that they really have feeling other than pure friendship. They are little bit hesitant to step further towards another kind of relationship but I really appreciate the strong bond between them as real friends when they do whatever they can to help friends. They are free to laugh or share thoughts with each other.
Xiao Yu and Xiao Tong in “A West Lake Moment”
The friendship between Xiao Yu and Xiao Tong in “A West Lake moment” may be the first one I have seen on the screen. Xiao Tong always stayed beside Xiao Yu when she was in need; he was willing to listen to all the complaints of Xiao Yu about her life and do everything he can to cheer her up. When he was in the operation for a malicious disease, it was such a pity or an annoying detail in the screenplay that Xiao Yu could not stay with him until the last moment of his life.
Finally, I believe in friendship between a man and a woman. There may be other kinds of feeling but I think that friendship between them is possible.
And an idea suddenly pops up in my mind: Why Facebook does not have something like: A is in a close friendship with B. A close friendship deserves the same kind of promotion as a relationship, doesn’t it?