Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game


It has been a long time since I post any decent writing on my blog as I have been overwhelmingly buried into heavy workload during these days. To a certain extent, I have already got used to  such heavy workload and have some ideas of what’s going on here and somehow understand what happens in a day or a month in the life of a tax consultant. My friends kept asking me about how it feels like to work like a tax consultant as tax advisory should be the most mysterious function in a public accounting firm in comparison with audit department. After taking some part-time jobs and internship, I do think tax advisory should of greater fit with me in comparison with marketing as I can somehow quantify or measure my own deliverables.

Probation period should be the most stressful one as I have to try my level best so as not to be kicked out after these two months. The fear of striking out sometimes gets me totally worn out and I wonder whether the workload itself or the fear of being fired is the factor leading to such extreme stress. I am just afraid of making mistakes, afraid of getting into trouble, afraid of being noted, afraid of even little crazy thing. I dream about work almost every night, dreaming about invoices, about calculation table, about unaccomplished tasks on my own to-do list. Though my mentor and other colleagues are very helpful and they are patient to point out my mistakes, I still feel burn out for more than twice or three times a day. And I am just afraid that they will be impatient no sooner or later.

In such days filled with turbulence, the only thing that I try to do is to keep calm, telling myself: “All is well”. I remember the time when I brushed up on knowledge for entrance exam, I rarely thought of failure but thought that I would get what I deserved, if I performed well, I would enter into my desired university. If I did not perform well, I had to  accept the fact that this university was not for me. The same pattern of thinking is applied now by me. If I outperform, I will be admitted. If I do not, I have to accept the fact that it is not for me. However, deep inside my heart, as what has long taken place in my mind, in my life, something I often refer to as my own “temperament” , I believe that I will get over this difficult time.

But sometimes, I dream of someday in 2 or 3 years, I see myself walking in a university in Taiwan as a student winning Huayu Enrichment Scholarship, learning Chinese just to fulfill my own desire of mastering this language and joining friends in an acoustic cafe or a guitar club at university in Taiwan, listening to Tanya Chua’s songs.


2 responses to “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game

  1. Probation or the sort of tests us on our ability on the job and thus gives us a good indicator of relevancy and desire. Whether the job suits us, or we suit the job will all be assessed against the two months. While trying, remember that you should look back and ask yourself: “Is this something you will want to do in future?” If it exhausts you, drains your energy, nightmares visit you so often, perhaps, it is not for you.

    Mistakes are inevitable especially for newcomers, and undoubtedly you will grow through learning them. Don’t stress yourself out because they are not going to fire you unless you make a serious unbearable mistake.

    The only thing to do, in my humble guess, is to treat this as an experience, for you to learn and grow. I hope you don’t die young =)

    Liked by 1 person

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