It has been a long time since I post any decent writing on my blog as I have been overwhelmingly buried into heavy workload during these days. To a certain extent, I have already got used to such heavy workload and have some ideas of what’s going on here and somehow understand what happens in a day or a month in the life of a tax consultant. My friends kept asking me about how it feels like to work like a tax consultant as tax advisory should be the most mysterious function in a public accounting firm in comparison with audit department. After taking some part-time jobs and internship, I do think tax advisory should of greater fit with me in comparison with marketing as I can somehow quantify or measure my own deliverables.
Probation period should be the most stressful one as I have to try my level best so as not to be kicked out after these two months. The fear of striking out sometimes gets me totally worn out and I wonder whether the workload itself or the fear of being fired is the factor leading to such extreme stress. I am just afraid of making mistakes, afraid of getting into trouble, afraid of being noted, afraid of even little crazy thing. I dream about work almost every night, dreaming about invoices, about calculation table, about unaccomplished tasks on my own to-do list. Though my mentor and other colleagues are very helpful and they are patient to point out my mistakes, I still feel burn out for more than twice or three times a day. And I am just afraid that they will be impatient no sooner or later.
In such days filled with turbulence, the only thing that I try to do is to keep calm, telling myself: “All is well”. I remember the time when I brushed up on knowledge for entrance exam, I rarely thought of failure but thought that I would get what I deserved, if I performed well, I would enter into my desired university. If I did not perform well, I had to accept the fact that this university was not for me. The same pattern of thinking is applied now by me. If I outperform, I will be admitted. If I do not, I have to accept the fact that it is not for me. However, deep inside my heart, as what has long taken place in my mind, in my life, something I often refer to as my own “temperament” , I believe that I will get over this difficult time.
But sometimes, I dream of someday in 2 or 3 years, I see myself walking in a university in Taiwan as a student winning Huayu Enrichment Scholarship, learning Chinese just to fulfill my own desire of mastering this language and joining friends in an acoustic cafe or a guitar club at university in Taiwan, listening to Tanya Chua’s songs.