Random thoughts at midnights

I spent my recent days recalling the long lost memories in the past, which seem to have gone away for good before they struck me hard these days.

I suddenly burst into tears when recalling all my first experiences with Internet nearly 10 years ago. 10 years ago, when I first knew about something magical called Internet, called emails, called instant text messaging that helped connect my father working at faraway land with my mom and two daughters at home. I remember how exciting my sister and I were when we first learnt how to send an email or how to employ Google to search for information about scholarships, for the lyrics of our favorite songs. I remember how my mom wearing glasses slowly typed in the window of Yahoo! Messenger. The memories came back naturally and in a moment I realize that I could never come back to the past and I could never meet her again. I can only meet her in my dreams, where I try to hold her tight cause I know all these things will disappear when I wake up in the morning. I madly searched in the mailbox of Yahoo for the old things but was disappointed soon as nothing was left. I just feel like something lost, feel like a child deprived of her favorite dolls.

I spent weekend afternoon for a walk, reflecting, finding kind of peace and harmony, and searching for the past memories.

Sometimes, I just ask myself what my mother would say if she were in such situations that I am faced up with in my daily life. And  I know it is always “if she were” as it will never become real.

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