May Day. Random thoughts

Recently, I had two weird dreams. A couple of weeks ago, I dreamt myself walking through forests, through villages, crossing rivers and paddy fields. I even can feel myself like a curious and adventurous traveler, attempting to get in every place that captures my attention. While crossing a primary school (why primary school?), I suddenly stopped and looked around if I had lost my wallet. The curious and adventurous girl then disappeared, the insecure girl came in and replaced. And as a habit of mine when having a nightmare; I woke up immediately to make sure that it was just a dream.

Few days ago, when I was buried with workload from 9 to 9 for more than a couple of weeks and brought work home to work until midnight, I dreamt myself changing job, working in a bank where my job is something like processing the data or recording the transactions into a kind of ledgers or the likes. I remembered how my mind was messed up during the whole dream, how I kept wondering why I changed the job at the first place, wondering if I could come back to KPMG now, wondering if I stayed there one year and came back to KPMG. When I was awake in the morning, I was surprised to get into such a dream. Previously, whenever getting buried under such heavy workload, I only get caught in dreams of incomplete tasks, of my boss, or of my clients. The dream I got into this time is totally weird and it would be a reflection of all the alternatives I have thought of before.

Recently, I also participated in two groups of hobbies. The first one is the group of K-drama fans, constituted by three members, one of which was me; the other two were my friends in English Club at the university. We were both interested in “Descendants of the Sun”, and then we decided to create a group to have discussion about the drama. It sounds childish, doesn’t it? Actually, I joined fan club of Zhou Xun years ago and was an active member of Chinese area of years ago but I usually thought that offline meeting would be always not my stuff. I used to be a crazy fan of Manchester United but the idea of joining a fan club and meeting the other fans in the real life for the sake of having discussion only about the red devils is something unimaginable to me. I am a fan of Tanya Chua now but I care more about her music and I would love to have a discussion about her music but I felt not so interested in chitchatting about her daily life or her hobby or her favorite dishes.  But what happened? I joined a group of three fans of “Descendants of the Sun”, which came as a surprise to most of the friends who know me. Perhaps, people often see me as a book worm who would rather read books than watch Korean movies. Other people may think that as a Chinese learner, I would be more interested in Chinese movies and Chinese love stories. It was so interesting to see the portrait of yours in the eyes of the surrounding people when you took such a random action like that. Korean movies, why not? As long as the movie is good, I am interested in watching it. I also feel uncomfortable when people said that Korean movie is not serious enough for me to see. I think if Korean movie were a living creature, it would feel uncomfortable as well. Who am I so as not to see Korean movie and what was Korean movie so as not to be seen by me? I never want myself to be defined by watching a certain genre of movie or listening to a certain genre of music and I am sure that Korean movie would not want it to be categorized as some types of movies which are not worth watching by people who accidentally have interests in reading books or doing things that sound serious like me.

The second group of hobby that I participated in is the Xiangqi club at my Company. The group is comprised of six or seven male colleagues of mine. In a lunch with several members of this club, I was so curious about the way of Xiangqi they are playing, which is not the same as the way I used to play. I used to play Xiangqi when I was a school girl but I gave up playing since 2005. It came to me as a surprise when I knew all members of that club, some of whom I have never thought that they may be interested in playing Xiangqi. Well, prejudice came on its way again. It was so fun to have something to relax at lunchtime, instead of gossiping and it was much more fun to have my own prejudice about the male colleagues to be swept. I realized that I knew too little about them as well as they knew too little about me. I must admit that I keep a lot of prejudice about them, which prevented me from cooperating with them. It cannot be denied that my relationship with the male colleagues in my Company has been improved a lot after such incidence (Previously, my relationship with the male colleagues in my Company is not so good/ comfortable). It is just like when you try seeing things from a different lens, relaxing your embedded prejudice and then you realize that things are not always what they seem.

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