After all these years, I have to admit a truth that I am not good at making friends.
This summer, like other summers of mine in the last few years, I have to witness lots of friends of mine saying good bye to Vietnam to embark on their new journeys in Europe or in the US for further study.
Some of my friends do come back. However, we cannot talk to each other like we have been before. In the past, I thought that overcoming the difference in a relationship is not a big deal and in a friendship, it is even easier. Thing turns out to be not that easy. I do have some slight debates with a friend of mine at university over kind of political stuff and even we do not mention about it again but I can really feel the cold war between us.
Some of my friends stay in Vietnam all the time but they are now busy with their little families. Of course, I cannot blame them for not catching up with friends any more. I am not sure whether I would be the same if I had my own family in the future.
Sometimes I actually realise that I really do not have many friends as I often suppose. As one who often does not set much expectation in a relationship, I often do not set any expectation about what a friend should be. I do not require others to do anything for me ‘cause I am afraid that I am not good enough for friends to do anything to me. But then I still feel very sad when sometimes I cannot find anyone that I can confide every trouble that I have in a normal working day, cannot tell anyone how I was so depressed because I am afraid of listening to the predictable answers. It made me remember Vincent, the French classmate of mine in NCCU. He said that I was so reserved and that I did not let anyone help me made me become a busy one.
Sometimes I surfed On this Day section on Facebook, finding out that some friends who I used to talk with in the past have silently left my life without my awareness of their leaving. Such leaving is just simple. We don’t talk anymore, then, we get apart.
Sometimes I am not sure if all the downy moods described above are just among ordinary symptoms of getting old. Sometimes I really wonder if we really have to find the other significant one so as not to cope with such life crisis when all people we used to know leave us sooner or later.